by Cynthia Bissell
Seventeen weeks into my pregnancy, an ultrasound revealed that our first “child” would be twins! Our excitement and anticipation were short-lived, however. Eric and Aaron were born at 26 weeks gestation–three and a half months too soon.
Our lives as parents certainly got off to a rough start, as did the lives of our boys…
Our lives as parents certainly got off to a rough start, as did the lives of our boys, who were immediately whisked off to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). When we finally got to visit them, it was difficult to see our babies among all the tubes and wires. They looked like tiny albino monkeys, covered with fine blond hair.
The boys spent the next three months in the NICU, a stressful roller coaster ride that can be truly understood only by other parents of “preemies.” Both boys had many of the problems common to prematurity, including hypotension (abnormally low blood pressure), respiratory distress syndrome, intracranial hemorrhages (bleeding in or around the brain), retinopathy of prematurity (an eye disorder), patent ductus arteriosus (a condition in which oxygenated blood flows back into the lungs rather than circulating to the rest of the body), hyperbilirubinemia (jaundice) and anemia.
Eric’s most serious problem was bilateral periventricular leukomalasia (PVL), a condition in which tissue around the brain’s ventricles (chambers in which cerebrospinal fluid is made and circulated) is damaged due to insufficient blood flow or lack of oxygen. Eric has spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy as a result of his brain injury. Aaron needed a tracheostomy because of acquired subglottic stenosis (a narrowing of the area beneath the vocal cords and the opening between them), an unfortunate result of his earlier need for a breathing tube. Because of damage to his lungs and airways, he also had bronchopulmonary dysplasia, a chronic condition that would always affect his breathing. Aaron has more recently been diagnosed with asthma and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
The twins are now 5 years old and the trauma of the NICU has gradually faded. It is amazing to me where the twins have taken our family over the past 5 years. When the boys first came home from the hospital, I was often housebound caring for two sick, fragile infants. I turned to the Internet for information and support. My computer became my link to the outside world. I began building web pages as a way to network with other families and share our experiences. Since my husband Richard and I are both RNs, we had a bit of an advantage caring for sick babies. One of my web pages (Aaron’s Tracheostomy Page) has become the leading tracheostomy resource on the Internet. Networking with other parents around the world who are dealing with similar issues as our family was extremely therapeutic, and it not only helped us to work through our past experiences, it also is helping us face the many challenges ahead. Our home page is at www.bissells.com.
The twins hectic schedules of therapies, doctors’ appointments and surgeries made it difficult to work a regular job. In December of 1996, I got an opportunity to work on an experimental grant project that has afforded me a more flexible schedule. The Family Health Support Project is a Department of Mental Retardation (DMR) / University of Massachusetts collaborative project in which family members and self-advocates have been hired as part of the medical team. I currently work in pediatric neurology at University of Massachusetts Memorial Health Care, were I help families advocate for their child with special needs and at the same time, help the medical teams understand the needs of families and foster family-centered care.
Once the boys’ health issues began to stabilize, Richard and I were able to begin networking in our own community. We attended our first Family Leadership Series in 1997. The Leadership Series is sponsored by Families Organizing for Change (FOC). FOC is a statewide, grassroots coalition of families with children and adults who have disabilities and/or chronic illness. The Leadership Series is a six-day series, which teaches families about leadership and advocacy. Now, two years later, Richard is the Regional Coordinator for Central Massachusetts FOC.
We Have learned that “problems” are all a matter of perspective.
In just 5 short years, the twins have completely changed our lives. We have changed careers, met new friends and we have become advocates for people with disabilities. We have also developed different philosophies and new perspectives. The twins have taught us about strength, endurance, patience, and about what is truly important in life.
Richard and I are often asked how we manage, having two children with special needs. Well, we have learned that “problems” are all a matter of perspective. We discovered this back in the NICU when we were told that Eric had PVL and Aaron would need a tracheostomy. We were paralyzed with worry and fear, but gained some insight on our own situation by observing two other mothers. One woman was upset because one of her twins was temporarily under an oxygen hood; the other was despondent because one of her twins had died. All of us were grieving from different perspectives. We realized that although things could be better, they could also be much worse.