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No Krampus This Year

By Andrew St. George

Detective Leonard Keaton showing us his badge for some reason. Seriously, no one asked, this is how he chose to pose for the paper.
Detective Leonard Keaton showing us his badge for some reason. Seriously, no one asked, this is how he chose to pose for the paper.

 

Local Detective Leonard Keaton is credited with taking down crime lord Lloyd “Krampus” Christmas. The super villain, named by his parents after Jim Carey’s Character in “Dumb and Dumber,” has been on a crusade against Christmas since a young age. Earning the nickname of “Grinch” in his youth, it wasn’t until Christmas reached the age of 18 when the violent opposition to Christmas really took hold, and the acts of atrocity performed promoted him from the “Grinch” to “Krampus” or the “Christmas Devil.”

Christmas was behind the recent kidnapping of beloved hero Rudolph, or Rudy as his friends called him. Rudy was reported missing shortly after thanksgiving. Mr. Cringle, Rudy’s employer, stated that there was almost no way to safely navigate the treacherous trip from the North Pole without the luminescent qualities of Rudy’s famous nose. “He really was the shining light of our team” Cringle said, having to pause for a moment to contain a slight chuckle that made his belly jiggle.

The plot hatched by the evil “Krampus” essentially revolved around selling off Rudy to the highest bidder, a Chinese genetics laboratory, who intended to kill and dissect Rudy’s nose to study its bioluminescent qualities. Their intent is still currently unclear, and they refused to comment, but it is widely believed that they were looking to use the bio-tech to develop some form of light bulb for vehicles. Arthur Johnson, head scientist at BioDynamic Conglomerates, believes that the idea is technically feasible, but believes that the technology would only be slightly better that what was on the market currently.

Detective Keaton was at the airport preparing for a much needed vacation when he smelled something askew in a crate that was being packed on the plane. Pulling rank on the baggage handlers, he pried the crate open to find Rudy tied up inside with a bag over his nose to contain the glow. Using his keen detective skills, he looked at the return shipping address on the crate and recognized it as the home of Lloyd Christmas. Calling in a favor, he got a warrant issued and went to search the house and found evidence of Rudy being there, as well as a document titled “My plan to kidnap and sell Rudolph to the Chinese by Lloyd “Krampus” Christmas.” Using this evidence, Leonard arrested Christmas.

I interviewed Detective Keaton in his office, and he had this to say: “Did I save Christmas? Of course I did.”

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In The Blue

Aaron’s Ball Python ‘Carl’ is getting ready to shed. You can tell he is going to shed because his eyes have turn cloudy with a bluish color. His skin coloring is also pale and not as brightly colored as usual.

Snakes shed as the grow. They shed their old skin and it’s replaced by new skin. Younger snakes will shed more often than older snakes because they are growing faster. We leave Carl alone at this time, because he can be nervous due to being unable to see.

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New Year’s Resolution in May

For the past few years, my New Year’s Resolution has been to run the Grafton Gazebo Road Race. Of course running a race is not as hard is preparing for a race. I also tend to be a fair-weather jogger, so I slack off in the wintertime and then get motivated again when the warm spring weather arrives. Since the road race is always in early May, I’m usually not in any shape to run the race. The last time I ran it was in May of 2002. This particular year I was motivated early because Rich and I were planning to go to the Turks and Caicos for our 10th Wedding Anniversary. We hadn’t been anywhere for a very long time, due to sick children and financial problems, so this was a big deal for us and I wanted to be in shape in order to at least be comfortable in a bathing suit.

By May of 2002, I was in good shape. I was running 5 miles 3 times a week, so the race was easy and fun. But in July of 2002 on our wedding anniversary in the Turks and Caicos I had a freak accident. I fell into a ditch and on the way down, hit the right side of my chest on a sharp corner of a cement wall. Hitting that concrete knocked the wind right out of me, the pain was excruciating. I went to a small clinic on the island (there was no hospital). The doctor there had an antique x-ray machine. I thought for sure I had broken some ribs, but he said the x-ray was fine and I probably just bruise my ribs.

To make a long story short, I had actually broken three ribs and had a grade IV liver laceration. My liver was basically crushed like stepping on a tomato. I had no idea that I was bleeding into my gut. The pain was very bad, but I was trying to be brave, since I thought I only had bruised ribs. By the time I got home and to a hospital, the doctors were shocked that I was alive. The surgeon said that he had only seen this kind of trauma in multi-injury car accidents. Only about 50% of patient survive such a severe laceration and these patients are typically admitted the the intensive care unit! And here I was walking around! My liver enzymes were off the charts and I was very anemic, but apparently very lucky. The doctor said to me, “You actually flew on a plane like this?” He said, the fact that I was in such good physical shape probably help me to survive.

By the time I got back to the States and had lab tests, x-rays and a CAT scan, it had been four days since the accident. The doctor said that since I had survived for four days without any intervention, he would not attempt surgery. He thought it best to let my liver heal on it’s own, since the operation was probably riskier than doing nothing. He wanted me to be admitted to the hospital on bed rest, but I figured since I’d been walking around for four days, I should be able to lay in bed at home. The doctor reluctantly let me go home.

I was on bed rest for two weeks and could not do any lifting for two months (a challenge with my boys). It took a good six months before I fully recovered. I’ve never been able to get back to where I was physically in May of 2002, but running the Grafton Road Race again is a goal I wanted to reach and I finally did it on May 1st! I was slower than I was in 2002, but also 8 years older and in a new category (ages 50 to 59). I even got a metal for 5th place in my division! OK, so there were only eight of us old ladies, but still cool. Over-all, I came in 183rd place out of 220 runners. My time was 0:54:29 or 0:10:54 a mile. But really, I was only competing with myself. I’d like to do 10 minutes per mile next year. We shall see…it’s tough to get faster, while you are also getting older.

More Photos Here

Five mile race course:

Grafton Gazebo Road Race Course

Official Race Rasults

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Anniversary

Yesterday was the 4th Anniversary of this blog. Who’d a thunk? When I first created this blog, the fun for me was figuring out how to run WordPress on my own server. I really didn’t have anything profound to say, but somehow I’ve managed to post consistently for 5 years. Happy Anniversary to me!

Here’s a “word cloud” of some of the most frequently used words in this blog. The more often the word appears, greater the prominence in the cloud.

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